Sad to say goodbye...

So Darrel and I had a surprise pregnancy this year...however...May 2nd 2010 we lost a child (we were about 8-10 weeks along.)  We named him/her Rowan.

A parent should never have to say goodbye to a child-whether born or unborn....That was a sad day for us....My emotions are still shaky but I am starting to heal...not a day passes that I don't think of the child we have lost....

We had an online memorial done.  You can see Rowan's Memorial if you like.   It is beautiful!

You will be forever missed Rowan!  We love you!

Finally A Personal Blog

Well, this blog has been a long time coming....I need a creative outlet, and I am sure this will help fill that for me...

Life has been tough for me in the past several years...a lot has happened and a lot has changed.

I think the toughest, all be it most rewarding of all the trials our young family has faced has been the birth of our youngest son.  Levi is now 13 months old, and such a light in our lives-he makes me laugh everyday!  But when he was a week old we got his diagnosis of Down Syndrome.  At the time it was a huge shock-I was totally taken back and in many ways felt bitter and angry, not with Levi, but with god and myself...I felt as if he had let me down...or as if he was punishing me for something I was unaware of doing...I hate to say it, but the events totally shook my faith!  I was mad at myself thinking maybe I had done something wrong to cause him to be that way...however after much research and genetic counseling, we know that we couldn't have prevented it... but as a young mom I felt extremely guilty.  The guilt has subsided now...and my faith is again strengthening...it has been a hard road for me.  Never in a million years did I think I would raise a child with special needs.  I wouldn't have it any other way now, but I just never saw it happening to me...it was always something that 'happens to someone else.'  

When we got the test results, I feel bad for the way I thought now, but my very first knee jerk statement was ''what about Ayden...I don't want him to grow up getting teased because he has a brother who is different"  So far it hasn't had much bearing on Ayden and his life, other than the normal sharing of mom and dad with a sibling and some extra doctors visits...Ayden is totally in love with his brother and he tells him often, and I hope and pray that they will have an incredible relationship!  I hope they grow to be best friends!

I cant wait to see what life throws us next.  I know that Darrel and I have been through so much that it seems to just keep bringing us closer together...the more we fight to keep things together the closer we get...I cant imagine walking through life with a stronger partner or a greater friend...We have been together 4 years, but it seems like yesterday.  We have grown so much together in just 4 years....Life keeps us on our toes...but I wouldn't change it for the world!  I love you babe!