It has really been over a year...oops :/

I realized today that it has seriously been over a YEAR since I have posted on my blog.  I suppose that is good in some ways, as this has been my outlet for getting through all the loss and hardships in our lives.  However, I feel the NEED to write.

I have had Alivia on my mind nearly every second lately...not that I never think about her, but usually its just a few times a day, now it is all the time....(maybe thats my sign that its time to grow our family?)  I am just really in the dumps, I wish I knew what she was like!  I am sure she would have been an AMAZING, happy child .  I think I am thinking of her so much due to our 3 year anniversary of loosing Rowan has just passed (May 2nd)...I am not sure these times in the year will ever get easier....please tell me they get easier?!??!!

On the plus side, I held a baby girl (2 in fact, twins) for the first time since loosing Alivia...I had not been able to bring myself to do that!  My wonderful friend Summer had her girls the end of 2012 and I held them!  BOTH OF THEM!!!  AT THE SAME TIME!  without hesitation!  and as I was holding them, I realized that it was the first time I had held a girl since.  They are some beautiful little girls.  My friend Vanessa had a gorgeous baby girl just over a month ago, and I did it again.  I am so proud of myself!  That was a HUGE hurdle for me.

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Update: It has really been a great year!  Liam is AMAZING and has shown us just how strong he is.  We nearly lost him to a serious case of RSV, but he came out swinging.  (I will share that story at some point, promise!)  We moved (AGAIN!!) into a house in the country (YAY!!!) and we are LOVING life out here!  We are on 10 acres and have a flock of chickens, ducks, and a couple of Nubian doelings (goats, named Lucille and Lilly) as well as a barn cat (Honey) and 2 basset hounds (Rocky and Chloe).  We are working on fencing for the goats, as well as tilling and fencing our garden space.  I will share about the garden another time...its BIG!  Ayden has grown at least a foot in the last year and never stops talking haha.  Levi is starting to talk more and makes me laugh more each day, great personality!  So, thats what is up with life in general...

Oh and this is the longest that I have NOT been pregnant since Darrel and I were married!!!  YAY!!!  I have really been enjoying it.