And The Results Are In...

After 5 weeks of waiting, 3 of those weeks were spent on the phone every couple days trying to find out who was going to be sent our results when they were done, I finally tracked them down...only to be told that they could not give them to me, even if I were to come in person to get them.  (I was also told "yes, we have them, they have been here for awhile"....SERIOUSLY??? you have had them just sitting there while I have been out here waiting every day for a phone call??)  Then, I was told that 'they can only be released to the physician who ordered them.'  I explained to the lady that I had no idea who had ordered them because we were admitted through the ER and I did not see my physician while we were there.  I told her I only knew the name of the surgeon but didn't even know if he was the one who ordered them or not....I told her that my maternity care was provided by The Greenhouse Birth Center and I asked if they would release the results to them...she really didn't want to do that either.  I then asked her point blank if she wanted to make an already hard experience even harder for me by not letting me have closure...and that I really didn't see why they could not be released to the ones who were providing my maternity care....After a bit she decided that it would be fine, and that she would release them....UGH-Talk about frustrating!

So I got a call yesterday morning from the Greenhouse, Mitzi had results in hand..........

Baby was a, GIRL..... :( ...But there were no detected chromosome issues....Which leads me to believe that our little girl probably had the major heart problems that they feared....

We have named our little princess Alivia Marie (Marie after my mother)  We love her dearly.  Although knowing has made it harder in some respects, I know that I now have the information that I needed to be able to really start grieving....I know it is still going to be a long road, and I am ok with that...I never want to forget...I just would like to be more at peace with it...

I think of Rowan and Alivia every day-I don't know if that will ever change, I hope it doesn't....I hope that I have thoughts of them everyday for as long as I live....They will always remain in my heart....